Does your 'magic number' add up to grief?

Passing judgement on the basis of people’s sexual history should be a thing of the past, according to relationship experts.

Denise Pickup, couples expert and advice columnist based in Lincoln, says that the differences between men and women and their sexual pasts are breaking down.

“It used to be okay for men to have more previous sexual partners than women – but it’s becoming more equal now,” she said.

“The number of past sexual partners and how that affected a relationship used to be a lot clearer.

“These days, it’s more dependent on you and your personal beliefs. People have to spend a lot more time making a personal choice.

“There are a lot of contributing concerns that could put strain on a relationship. It can be dependent on how insecure you are as a person, or if protection has been used in previous sexual incidents.

“But it needs to be remembered that quantity doesn’t necessarily equate to quality. There’s a big difference between a long-term relationship and a one-night stand.

“It can become a problem when it’s kept a secret but, these days, couples are more realistic and tend to put all their cards on the table. People make mistakes and people go through phases.”

Despite this, two university students from Ruskington said that a high number of previous sexual partners would make them lose interest in a potential lover.

Chris Buckley, 18, said that he believed in preserving the sanctity of sexual conduct.

“Love isn’t disposable. If you’re with someone who’s had many sexual partners, then it belittles what you have. You feel like just another number,” he said.

Jacob Cheetham, 18, agreed with these sentiments, citing the old adage of “just another notch on the bed post”.

“I think if you sleep with someone who’s had an illustrious sexual history, then it makes you feel like a token, or trophy on the shelf.”

Conversely, Lucy Manners, 23, a student nurse in Lincoln said that she was not concerned about the number of sexual partners her other half may have had.

“The past is the past, and everybody makes mistakes,” she said.

“I wouldn’t want my partner to be concerned about my sexual history, so I’m not going to be concerned about his.

“The idea of too many or too few is a personal thing, and should be strictly down to the individual. Lovers should simply accept one another for who they are.

“When my partner says that he loves me and wants to be with me, it’s as if everyone from our sexual pasts no longer matter – and that’s how it should be.”